A year with a baby, preferably your own, can teach you more about yourself than any help group, psychiatrist, or book by a long shot. You learn what pushes your buttons and what buttons you have to push to survive any given day on little-to-no sleep. You learn the meaning of sacrifice, how to prioritize, and concepts that previously seemed abstract like unconditional love. It becomes apparent that time, for the past few months, has not been on your side and you’re ok with that. You realize that sometimes the smallest things can make you laugh so hard you almost cry. Your age really comes into perspective as you watch a child grow and it’s not a bad thing; it’s vital to cherish your own youth. You appreciate miniature victories like turning tears into laughter and are often amazed by the ingenuity and cleverness of the young mind. I’m not sure whether the final thing is above all or simply all-encompassing: you feel ready to take on the incredible responsibility of shaping someone after yourself, which means trying your best to improve on all of your shortcomings so they can inherit all of your good qualities to carry with them throughout their lives. It’s an adventure and surely qualifies as a second full-time job, which can be tiring, but is ultimately more satisfying than any occupation you can hope to have.

Happy Birthday, Bella.

On Resolutions

Here's the weirdo, Janus.

Turns out that declaring a New Year’s resolution goes back a lot further than I had expected: 153 B.C. to be exact. When the Romans of this time were compiling the early iterations of what would eventually become the standard 365-day calendar, they named specific time periods (months, seasons, etc) after their Gods. At the head of this calendar they placed a mythical king of Rome, Janus, the God of beginnings. Janus was a pretty weird looking guy, mainly due to the fact that he had two heads each facing in opposite directions. Despite this malformation, the symbolism in his depicted imagery is readily apparent: Janus is looking forward and back, assumedly at the year which just passed and the one to come.

So when this time of “year” came around, Romans often attempted to resolve any differences or disputes with enemies through the offering of small gifts, usually farm produce or coins imprinted with the profile of Janus. Many centuries later the Catholic church got involved and, after much shuffling and sidestepping, separated the one day of gift giving and reflecting on the past year into two: Christmas and New Year’s Day. Janus is still with us at the beginning of every year, under the slightly altered moniker of January.

On Resolve

If I had to break down the most common resolutions I’ve heard they’d sound something like this: lose weight/get in shape, fix a wacky personality quirk, have a more balanced/active/social/adventurous life, spend more time with friends/family. If your resolutions sound something or exactly like that, then you’re definitely not alone. Hell, some of those are goals of mine; therein lies my problem with the word resolution: most people set short-term goals as their resolution as opposed to establishing an entirely new routine, a considerably more difficult task. If you really want to make a resolution, you must first draw up a blueprint of your ideal future and become completely enamored by the thought of seeing it through. Envision yourself a year from now having accomplished everything you just now resolved to do. From that moment, you’ll be keenly aware of the driving factors behind all of your motivations and decision making.

The reason why most of my previous resolutions have failed within the first month was a persistent need for instant gratification, thus defeating the point of a new year’s resolution. We live in a world where everything is on demand, so when the wheels of progress turn any slower than what we’re accustomed to (rapidly), it seems fruitless to continue what seems such a lengthy endeavor. While realizing this has changed my approach, old habits die hard (and often with a vengeance).

I’m starting to realize, albeit a few years late, the value of having a great plan. All of the steps leading up to the execution of that plan, regardless of success or failure, have excellent lessons to teach. I recall a particularly insightful quote from The Weather Man, the protagonist speaking about his evolution as a person:

“I remember once imagining what my life would be like, what I’d be like. I pictured having all these qualities, strong positive qualities that people could pick up on from across the room. But as time passed, few ever became any qualities that I actually had. And all the possibilities I faced and the sorts of people I could be, all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer. Until finally they got reduced to one, to who I am. And that’s who I am, the weather man.”

Despite not amassing all the qualities he wanted to possess, he still had a clear picture of the person he wanted to be from the outset, and I’m beginning to think that’s the most important piece of information a person can possess.

It’s with all this in mind over the past two weeks that I’ve carefully thought about what’s really important to me now, what will be important to me a year from now, and again beyond that. I was a little shocked about the difference in my thinking when comparing short term and long term scenarios since it’s something I rarely do, but entirely pleased with the outcome of my resolutions. And so…

The Resolutions

1. Nosce te ipsum — Latin for “Know thyself”, the key to knowing how to utilize all of your strengths is to also acknowledge your weaknesses. This is something that I’m going to explore more actively.
2. Be in the best shape of my life — A little vague, which is a good starting point. I’ve always been in very average shape up until lately, so anything above average is a success and everything above that is a soaring victory.
3. Spend less. Save more. — I always start saving money for short periods of time only to spend it unwisely (on bills or otherwise). I want to be on time with all of my payments, know exactly when to expect these bills to come in (or auto-pay), and perform preventive maintenance whenever possible to avoid unexpected speed bumps in my saving.
4. Invest more time into rewarding personal projects — Although I wish I was talking about earning the Platinum trophy in Modern Warfare 2, this one is more in the realm of the work I do, not only for my employer but also in my personal time. I’d like to start doing more freelance work, but being selective about projects. I’d like to make a video, a tool, a template, or an app that people actually want to use and content people actually want to read.
5. Put my family above all else — The combination of the aforementioned four resolutions should fulfill at least half of this one by ensuring that both Jackie and Bella are well cared for and supported to the best of my ability, the other half involves being a good father to Bella and partner to Jackie, always there to help in any way possible. Sacrifice, in essence. The other component to that is to try and ensure a good realtionship with the immediately family around me (moms, dads, siblings, etc.) because they’re the best family I have.

Those are my resolutions. I’ve seen the future, and the future is good.

I’m about to be a father, her name is Bella Madison Gormley (aka Bells aka Maddie).

It’s kind of strange knowing ahead of time that all of this is going to happen, and with that comes a sort of Bizzaro Bucket List (things to do before birth, I mean). I’ve known this was going to happen for months but to actually know, within the hour, when my baby is going to be born is strangely exciting. I like the structure of knowing in lieu of the chaos that ensues in the moments after a woman goes into labor.  I have my things packed, Jackie has her things packed, and we’ll be showing up at our scheduled time comfortable and without incident early tomorrow morning.  Clean and simple.

As for everything that comes after this week: arriving home, getting situated, and all of the late nights and extremely early mornings; I don’t have much to say that hasn’t already been said on the subject ad nauseam. I’ll gladly roll with the punches and take the good with the bad because I’ve been mentally building up to this point for months to the best of my ability. Coalesce that with the knowledge that I’m with a girl I’m in love with and depend on and I think we have ourselves a winning combination.

We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life.

Life is brief, and then you die, you know?

And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So it better be damn good. It better be worth it.

Amen, brother.

• Screw losing weight, I want to get my BMI down between 16-18% by summer (currently 21% as of this writing).
• I want to sleep less without sacrificing energy.
• I want to start my own business in the wake of this shitty economy.
• I want to blog more and really pay attention to my site.
• I want to do more personal video work.  It’s something I love and I’ve been neglecting it.
• I want to have a Macbook Air by this time next year so I can do my thing regardless of where I am.
• I want to be a good provider.
• I want to work on my relationships, both existing and new ones.
• I want to call people back more often, and promptly.

That’s it.  Some are predictable while others are innately “me”.